Sporting Chance: Skate Team Logos
11/14/2018
SKATING WILL ALWAYS lurch forward in different ways and continue to mutate. But what if it evolves straight into a conventional sport? Coaches fighting over a prodigy draft pick, a heelflip scoring higher than a kickflip, cheating scandals during the playoffs. Damn... Say a prayer that it ain't ever so. The only silver lining to that nightmare scenario is that city-based teams might require some new logos. We’d be happy to help. (And don't come at us about these city line-ups. Teams can trade!)
Illustrations by James Callahan / Words by Adam Creagan
SAN FRANCISCO HILL BOMBERS
STRENGTHS: Hill bomb adrenaline / Access to the mag / Weird Andy Roy sightings / Even weirder Phelps sightings
WEAKNESSES: Bum-turd land mines / Burrito naps / “I used to skate” burnouts / Wealth vs. poverty disparity is a real shitshow
LINE-UP: Tommy Guerrero / TNT / Dennis Busenitz / Gerwer / Them GX dudes
LAS VEGAS STALEFISH
Strengths: No clocks / Pumped-in oxygen / Plenty of company when you hit rock-bottom
Weaknesses: Flabby tourists / Nightlife douchery / Blue Man Group skin rash / Elvis impersonators
Line-Up: Chad Muska / Braydon Szafranski / Ragdoll / Sammy Baca
PHOENIX SNAKE SESHERS
Strengths: Pools (if you know the secret handshake) / You can proudly wear your turquoise jewelry
Weaknesses: Sand in your bearings / Heatstroke / Wile E. Coyote / Snake bite may require venom-suck from Aaron Homoki
Line-Up: Jaws / Robbie Brockel / Nick Trapasso / Whoever got 3rd at PHX AM
SEATTLE BOLTS
Strengths: Motivated skaters / Dream-like skateparks / Skate Witches cast a spell on you / Bigfoot sightings
Weaknesses: Smells fishy / Noah’s Ark-type rain / Forlorn lumberjacks / Sasquatch attacks
Line-Up: David Gravette / Simon Bannerot / Griffin Gass
LOS ANGELES KINGPINS
Strengths: Birthplace of skate stoke / Enough filmers to get a 4th angle on your rocket-ass kickflop
Weaknesses: Hard to live up to a century of Hollywood hype / Show-business circle jerk / Traffic purgatory forces you to talk to Team Manager
Line-Up: Too many to name
MIAMI TECHNITIONS
Strengths: Beautiful women / Acceptance of strange fashions, trends, pastels / America’s dong can’t be wrong
Weaknesses: Nightlife zombies / Swamp ass / Sketchy creeps with suspicious wealth / Knowing that it's actually spelled "Technicians"
Line-Up: Jamie Foy / Zion Wright / Evan Smith / Pedro Delfino
RICHMOND, VA DIRT DOGS
Strengths: East Coast underdogs always have secret spots / Cheap living / Sleepy southern cops / GWAR afterbirth has spawned interesting freaks
Weaknesses: Confederate-era roads are urethane-unfriendly / Sahara summers, Arctic winters / Rednecks and yuppies form a yin-yang balance of bummer
Line-Up: Gilbert Crockett / Josh Swyers / Trent Hazelwood / Bernie McGrew
SAN DIEGO POOL SHARKS
Strengths: Throw a rock: hit a skate prodigy / Spotting rad ex-pros from every decade / Washington St. is polar opposite of daycare, pad-nanny parks
Weaknesses: Dudes with saltwater brains / Even the skate-stoppers have skate-stoppers / Hearing that “Smolik already landed that in 1999”
Line-Up: Wes Kremer / Tommy Sandoval / Peter Hewitt / Lots of transplant rippers
PORTLAND BOWL TROLLS
Strengths: Huge old-man army / Proximity to the shoe biz / Took the world 25 years to catch up to Burnside’s DIY ethos
Weaknesses: Annoying Portlandia quotes still linger / Mildew grows on your couch, clothes, face / Unstoppable invasion of people fleeing California
Line-Up: Mark "Red" Scott / Neil Heddings / Matt Beach / Brent Atchley
CHICAGO CARCASS TOSSERS
Strengths: Self-contained scene not tripping on the “skate industry” / The wind saves you two pushes (depends on direction)
Weaknesses: The wind adds four pushes (depends on direction) / The Sea Wall sucks—your board goes in the drink
Line-Up: Neen Williams / Kalis was there for a minute / Chaz Ortiz / Stevie Dread
DETROIT TANK GIRLS
Strengths: Hard knocks resilience / Buy a home for $9,001 / A certain poetry to urban decay
Weaknesses: Flea-bite sleep deprivation / Far-flung suburbanites all claim to know Eminem
Line-Up: Elissa Steamer / Lizzie Armanto / Leticia Bufoni / ...none are from The D, but whatever
BOSTON SPOTHAWKS
STRENGTHS: Revolutionary spirit / Wonderful, horrible shop vids / Epic tea parties
WEAKNESSES: Beantown flatulence / The cobblestone blues / Post Traumatic Jereme Rogers Syndrome / Snobby Harvard grads
LINE-UP: PJ Ladd / Ryan Gallant / Dave Bachinsky / Nora Vasoncellos
MINNEAPOLIS, MN HESHERS
Strengths: Friendly folks / Work ethic / Fuck 'yo coastal envy
Weaknesses: Unfair "Fargo" stereotypes / Frostbite will mess you up / Ice fishing is really boring
Line-Up: Steve Nesser / Davis Torgerson / Darren Navarrette / Who's that one Santa Cruz dude... Henry Gartland!
PHILADELPHIA CRETE BANDITS
Strengths: Lingering clout of late ’90s Love Park / Cheap unhealthy food / Ricky Oyola
Weaknesses: Skate a national landmark = catch a felony / Our buddy said all the babes moved to New York
Line-Up: Chris Cole / Ishod Wair / Bam Margera / Anthony Pappalardo
NEW YORK SKATE RATS
Strengths: We’re supposed to say something about pizza, right? / Raw streets / A million opportunities
Weaknesses: Raw sewage / A million distractions / The city never sleeps but your friends never skate
Line-Up: The eternal stoke of Harold Hunter / Tyshawn Jones / Not really anyone else. You can’t spend one summer there and claim NYC, man
-
2/14/2024
Thrasher Valentine's Day Cards 2024
When it comes to Valentine's Day, are you cynical? Jaded? Pessimistic? Then don't click here! These V-Day cards are for true lovers only. -
12/24/2023
SOTY Party 2023 Photos
Once the decision is made, the only thing left is one big ol’ bash in The City to cap the year off right. Karl Watson came through for the official handoff along with a host of A-listers from Primitive, adidas and our home turf. Couldn’t get in the door? Catch it all here. -
2/14/2023
Thrasher Valentine's Day Cards 2023
If you don't have a gift for Valentine's Day, you can always send your loved one (or your sworn enemy) one of these shoddy Photoshop cards. -
8/01/2022
James Callahan: A Bounty of Barf
James “Barf” Callahan is one of the most prolific illustrators alive today. He published a coffee-table book, "Barf Skate," which features his skate-related art. Join us as we dive into the brain of a wizard. -
3/31/2022
Canvas Artist Profile: Thomas Fernandez
Monsters, comic books, and skate culture collide in the artistic offerings of Thomas Fernandez. Take a look at the unique, colorful creations that pour from his twisted mind.